Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Never Give Up

Never give up seems to be the topic of choice at the moment. I just opened a SparkPeople email with the title as well as I'm reading a book titled that, as well as the fact that our last bible study was sort-of in regards to it.

I received in my mail yesterday several pieces of stuff that wasnt addressed to me or my husband. Actually, none of the mail was ours. :) We had the father that passed over 5 years ago, and the sister and ex-girlfriend who neither have lived here in over five years.

So, why is the past knocking on my door? I told Sean and then my next statment, "well, at least its not bills." And its the truth. I mean, I'm not required to pay anything on any of these people. But yet, its still a stress. An odd stress that probably no one understands. I want my home. A home where the past doesnt find us. And yet, I know thats impossible. The past will always be, well, the past.

I just looked down to see my husband's handwriting and it made me smile. I love him so. :) He made dinner last night and helped Jeremy with his math homework. He later mentoned how he liked my passion. I'm not sure he's ever said that before, but it definitly touched me.

I explained to him that I truly believe my passion is what God has given me, its just if I choose to use it for God's will or for my own that makes the difference. Pulling out the mail and gruffing over names that arent mine is NOT using it for God's will.

And then this brings us back to not giving up. I get so frustrated with myself when I get upset at other people or at petty little things like mail and having a new home. These are the traits, the attitudes, that I want God to change in my. I have begun praying about it, right when the moment hits, I start praying. It's taken a great deal of courage to pray at times when I'd rather not even admit I have these nasty feelings. There are some things I dont even want to admit to God, yet I know He knows and sees all. It's just embarrassing at times to admit the way I feel and behave.

And on a side note, Maddie is due for shots Thursday but I'm calling today to reschedule for a Friday. I dont like thinking I have to take her in to school the next day. I'm also gonna break this dosage up. She's required like 6 or 7 this time around and I'm not gonna go for that. Did you know DTaP and the Flu can both cause GBS? Google GBS cause I so cant spell that syndrome. I'd rather not give my baby both shots together when there is a high enough likely hood she will develop a syndrome. Likelyhood as in its stated as a severe reaction; it's known to happen in some cases. No thanks.
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